Here we go again

After a long hiatus, I am once again looking for a roommate. The current roommates are Matt, who has lived in my house for 4+ years and is a swell guy; and Kayla, who stayed with us over the summer for an internship, left shortly after it ended, and moved back three weeks later when the same company offered her a full-time job. Who will be our fourth? Not the guy who is concerned about us keeping "gross open cans of tuna and smelly squids" in our refrigerator, that's for sure!

Please, Craigslist, send us a roommate who likes to watch "Glee" (with me and Kayla) or "The Office" (with me and Matt, when he's home, which is never). Send us someone with good taste in beer, but not too much of a taste for the drink, because we don't want to come home and find him passed out on the couch with drool on his chin. Send us someone with a full-time job or school, who leaves the house occasionally but is not a ghost/ninja gliding past us in the night as she makes her way to her room, only to be seen again a month later to hand over the rent check.

The most brilliant ad ever

It's been awhile since The Landlady had to look for new roommates on Craigslist. The last roommate came to me so quickly via CL that I had no time to gather the cra-zazy responses I normally receive.

But alas, a roomie is leaving and it's time for the hunt to begin anew. For inspiration, a friend directed to me to one of the funniest ads for a roommate that has ever graced Craigslist, via The Huffington Post.

Wouldn't you know? The room has LIGHTS and HEAT and CEILINGS!!!!! To keep the rain out! No need for candles or burning wood.

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.

If you're going to proposition me, at least SPELL correctly

Guest post from Sue, another ISO'er. A couple months ago she was looking for a roommate to share her apartment. I saw the ad, and aside from mentioning her gender, it gave no indication that she was really looking for a hook-up.

The reply:

"So I'll be honest...I'm not interested in the room for rent. You seem like an intersting woman. I too am a 24 y/o guy. I have my own house, car, good job, recently out of the Marine Corps. I was just looking around what the going rate for a room mate is around here, and I read your add. So whats a guy gotta do to see what the face behind the add looks like without sounding like a total creep?
HAHA man this is weird."

Yeah, man. *You* are weird.

Ha ha! Science Nerd!

"Hello,

I am interested in the room you have listed on craigslist. About me, I am a 29-year-old single, white male, who does not smoke or do drugs. I recently moved back to [your town] from Denver, where I just completed my [nerdy science degree]. I have been accepted to [ a PhD program near you]. However, the program does not begin until late August 2009. So I figured-- why not hang out with my brother for a few months and just mentally unwind?

I am a very humorous, laid-back, responsible, clean, drama-free guy who likes hanging out and meeting new people. I guess I'm basically normal...in a good way. ha! ha! I am looking to move in somewhere relatively quickly and you all sound perfect. Oh! and I have been offered a 70 hour per week restaurant job; so, I may not even be there that much. I know, how can I be any more perfect, right?

I can be reached by email or at XXX-XXX-XXXX. Currently I am staying with my brother in town.

Hope to hear from you soon,

-Science Nerd

P.S. Don't let the science fool you...I'm definitely not a nerd...well, kinda :)"


I write back, offer to show Science Nerd the place. He says cool, when? We pick a date. A day goes by....


"Hey Landlady,

Question for you though...I am obviously new to the area. Yesterday, I looked at a place on S. 16th that was pretty, well, not that nice. I was told that West of Broad got worse. Beings that 21st is west of 13th...well, what does your neighborhood look like? I know parts of "The Sixth Sense" were filmed in your area and they look waaaaaaaay nicer than the greater Broad Street area. I hope I'm not being offensive...I just don't want to be kicking heaps of trash out of my way as I walk. I mean, a city is a city and it is what it is...but I really enjoy the Society Hill/ South Street/ Whitman/ Italian Market area ($$$$). How does your neighborhood compare? I just don't want to get chased home every day...Once in awhile is alright...ha! ha! But not everyday :)"

The Landlady writes: Hi Science Nerd, you must be on the wrong board. Our house isn't in Philadelphia.

"Yes. I did get confused. You're not in Philly? Where are you? Rent? area? And when is it available? Sorry, ha! ha!"

Bathroom for rent

Saw this on the Best of Craigslist ... A 60-year-old woman wants to rent out the bathroom in her 1-bedroom East Village apartment!

"The bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better. You may have guest[s] over as long as they are confined to the bathroom as well. This might seem a bit odd but please remember the rent is $400 and the bathroom is large."

Can you imagine how that would work? The lady would have to pee in the middle of the night, you'd have to take your Aerobed and drag it into the hallway while she did her business and then set it back up when she's finished. I know rents are high in NYC and lots of people divide the living room into two bedrooms, but really? THE BATHROOM?

See the original ad here.

Spammer seeks Landlady for possible LTR

The probable spammer.

"What's up
I was looking at your post and I
think that we need to be with each other. Take a look
at my photo and e-mail to me so I could
give you more pics and info
Bye"

Finding love on Craigslist

I mainly use Craigslist to place ads for roommates (and once I sold a used appliance for $25).

Although I have ventured into the rants and raves, the blatant racism quickly turned me away. Occasionally I take a gander at the best-of-craigslist feature. Once I looked at Missed Connections to see if anybody missed me (no one did).

Amazingly, some people have claimed to find love among the whackos who post grainy photos of their crotches. At least that's what Vidya Rao says in her story, How I got a life (and love) on Craigslist .

"I came across one guy's posting with the heading “Artistic type looking to take someone to a movie” and — gasp — a photo of his face. As a broke graduate student in the city, I concluded that the chances of meeting someone crazy were worth being able to see a $12 flick and, I reasoned, I could probably score dinner out of him, too.

So I responded to the ad and told him we could meet at the theater. We chatted and e-mailed short get-to-know-you messages for the next 72 hours until the big day arrived. On the way to the theater, scenarios about this strange man attacking me with a chloroform-soaked cloth and dragging me back to his dungeon played over and over in my mind. (He later told me that his biggest worry was that I was a troll.)

After the movie, I hyperanalyzed out of nervousness. Is this a date? Is he gay? Wait, why is he more interested in my shoes than in what I'm saying?"

Aside from housing, cheap stuff and roommates, CL can be a decent place to meet people. One of my friends posted an ad for running and exercise buddies.

I now have two friends I never would have met if my third friend wasn't so desperate for aerobic companionship.

-- The Landlady